My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
