he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
