When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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