is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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