she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
