Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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