I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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