i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm at about main and main street
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
