she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
