I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
