If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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