Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
