Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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