i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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