What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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