Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
