Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
