Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
