We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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