also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
