we're chasing vodka with high fives
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
