Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
