sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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