I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
