so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
