You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize