i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize