So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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