i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
