I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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