no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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