Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
