I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
