mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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