A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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