He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
