Fuck appropriateness.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
