I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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