I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
