he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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