it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just pee around me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
