I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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