life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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