The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
