I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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