I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Im part way to drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
