All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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