i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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