So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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