If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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