no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
