he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
