wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
