fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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