"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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