saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
