hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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