This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
