Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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