if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
