You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
