found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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