So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
