So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize