First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had to cum in my sink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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