Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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