I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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