He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
