You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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