Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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