Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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