how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
