Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
