I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
