FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
