he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
