There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
