If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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