So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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