She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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