if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
