I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am midnight drunk by noon
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The struggles of a small town man whore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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