whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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