There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
