It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Terrible idea I love it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
