Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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