I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she looked like the before picture.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
