i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
