the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
